Quote:
And I bet you they will [expetives deleted] take out the [expetives deleted] swearing and the [expetives deleted] smoking. They are right [expetives deleted]!

Quote:

This story would have been up sooner, but we had to break some stuff and scream at the heavens until we were hoarse. Screen International this morning reported that British gangster classic and sole memorable big screen outing of Charlie from Casualty, The Long Good Friday, is being remade. And....[deep breath]...it's being directed by...[count to ten]...Paul. W. S. Anderson. There, we said it. That's the hardest part.

Anderson, who brought us the joys of Resident Evil and Alien Vs Predator to name but two, is to direct the $50 million production for Handmade Films and Impact Pictures.

But, if you haven't already driven a stake through the heart of your computer for bring you such dire news, there is more. Where the original, brilliant film was a shocking, riveting look at the British gangster scene and featured stunning performances from Bob Hoskins and Helen Mirren, the new version will be relocated to Miami. Great. Fantastic, Paul. Why don't you cast Don Johnson and a pair of plastic boobs with a slippery grasp of the English language, just to finish it off? And maybe smear a little dog poo on the print?

"The Long Good Friday was an astonishing view of 1980s gangland that shocked audiences with its urban crime and violence," said Anderson in Cannes, while singularly failing to beat himself viciously about the head and neck. "I am delighted to have the opportunity to put a new spin on this classic film which promises to reveal today's underworld in an equally shocking fashion."

In slightly less ragesome news, Handmade is planning this as a first of a series of remakes. Larry Clark is expected to redo Mona Lisa (why does Handmade wish to entirely erase Bob Hoskins from the cinematic landscape?). We're not doing backflips about that one, but Larry Clark is talented so we expect at least an interesting take. A big bucks remake of Terry Gilliam's Time Bandits is also planned. Hopefully someone better than Anderson will be secured for that. Like, a rake perhaps. Or a slightly dented baked bean can.